Hello Tallies and Curlies,
There’s something I need to say.
You see I run a blog, and when you run a blog you don’t know who is following you. I send my comics out in the world and some people read them, hidden behind their computer or iPad’s screens.
I have people following my blog from all over the world, different people, different languages, different cultures, different religions, different beliefs… I find it amazing.
I sometimes get comments from people who have a completely different vision of the world than I have, and I think it’s awesome to have the opportunity to speak with these people. I wouldn’t get that opportunity if I didn’t have this blog.
As I’m a person of curiosity and observation, I love to meet people who think differently than I do, who’ve been raised differently, who live differently, I find magic in difference and even in disagreement. That’s what life is all about, walking along the path and stopping at as many crossroads as possible, where we discover new paths, new people, new ideas, and even if we won’t follow all of them, just getting to know them is one of this life’s most beautiful adventure.
Inevitably I will, once in a while, get a comment I strongly disagree with, just like I will meet people in real life I strongly disagree with. I usually put these persons in one of these four categories :
1- smart person who has a different point of view than mine and who thinks differently, who maybe knows things I don’t know > interesting, calm and courteous conversation or debate that will maybe broaden my or his/her vision. These people don’t piss me off, I like them a lot. They’re the ones who can teach me something.
2- teenager whose brain is not even finished yet so might change his/her mind later. Might not. > generally pointless to start a conversation, teenagers are passionate and think they got it all figured out. I should know, I’ve been there and I certainly wouldn’t like to try to convince the younger version of myself of ANYTHING. I’d actually rather die. Teenagers don’t piss me off, I understand who and where they are.
3- stubborn and narrow-minded adult who decided to shut his/her mind to everything he/she disagrees with. That kind of adult might piss me off for a minute or two but I don’t have time to lose so I move on and forget about it in a minute or two.
4- adult with a very fragile sense of humor or none at all, who takes him/herself or some things too seriously in life, so when it comes to some matters he/she suddenly goes blind to everything else but his/her beliefs and sees evil in places where there is none and tells YOU you’re evil. > so THIS is the kind of adult who pisses me off for real, and I got my very first comment of one today.
So on Pinterest, I posted yesterday my first comic of the “True stories” series : the story of Chekwube, a tall lady who wrote to me that when she was in high school she was very good at sports so kids started gossiping about her being a transvestite because of her height and talents, and that in the end everybody believed it.
I decided to create the “True stories” series so that people who are not aware of what things a tall or curly girl can hear sometimes and how it feels like can learn about it so either they don’t say these kind of things or they can even stand up for someone who’s dealing with these kind of things. It’s of course also a great opportunity to again downplay our problems and to again laugh at ourselves all together. I run a comics blog, so I’m not going to create sad dramatic things about it, my weapon is and will always be humor.
So I woke up very early this morning and was about to go on with my day, optimistic, enthusiastic and happy, when I saw on Pinterest the comment of this woman whose Pinterest’s profile states : “pro trans, pro GLB, pro gun control, pro choice, left leaning idealist.” and who left that comment under my comic : “Wow, way to throw vulnerable trans women under the bus for the sake of a joke. unfollowed.”
As I told her as an answer, I apparently was also ready to throw vulnerable kids who failed a grade three times under the bus for the sake of a joke.
So what I want to say to that person today is this : I run a blog where I’ve been promoting self love and acceptance through humor for over a year now. I never heard a straight haired girl tell me I’m being cruel with the straight haired girls community because I try to promote curly hair, and trying to show tall girls like myself how lucky they are doesn’t seem to make average size or short people feel bad or threatened or insulted by me. Running a blog called TALL and CURLY doesn’t make me a short and straight haired people hater.
I one day decide to ask my followers to tell me their stories so they get the chance to tell it through my comics too.
A few days ago, I posted a comic where an old man asks me – as it happened in real life – if I was a man or a woman.
One thing that hurts when you’re a tall girl let me tell you, is when someone questions your femininity. That hurts BADLY.
When I read Chekwube’s story I remembered a long time ago I was in a gay club with some friends and a drag queen – yes a drag queen – came up to me and started flirting with me. No joke. In a way it was funny, but how do you think I felt like having a man thinking I was a man too ? If I make a comic about that will it mean that I have no respect for drag queens ? I don’t think so. It REALLY HAPPENED.
So as I could really imagine how hurt Chekwube must have been when she was called a transvestite by an entire school, and as it happened to her and to me, I’m pretty sure it didn’t happened to only us, so I chose to tell her story in a comic so somewhere some tall girl can relate and feel less alone.
Does that make me a person who doesn’t like or have no respect for transvestites or trans women ? I don’t think so.
In a movie, does having a straight character believed to be gay by another one for whatever reason makes the movie director someone who has no respect for gay people ? I don’t think so.
I grew up feeling DIFFERENT and I had to learn to LOVE and ACCEPT being DIFFERENT. It was a battle and a battle so tough to win I just wish anyone who feels different and alone can find some comfort in some of my comics. That’s what most of the messages I get say : “Thank you for making me feel ok with being different.” I’m in a race for happiness and I believe everybody is, and I believe everybody deserves to find happiness. EVERYBODY.
But one thing I’ve learned from fighting in order to love myself is that you CANNOT TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY IN LIFE. That is exactly what leads people to feel threatened, to be scared, to be frustrated, to feel like they’re always a VICTIM.
If you’re able to laugh at yourself, you won’t mind that much when other people laugh at you. And believe it or not : YOU ARE FUNNY IN SOME WAY. EVERYBODY IS. Everybody is or has something that somebody else will laugh at, there’s nothing you can do about it but to embrace who you are and to laugh too.
I live my life according to the three L’s principle : LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH.
If you knew me, you’d know that there is room for EVERYBODY in my heart and in my life. But there’s no room in my life for people who are not thankful for the gift of life, there’s no room in my life for people who don’t put love first and there’s no room in my life for people who don’t know how to laugh because in life, if you’re not laughing, you’re yelling, and if you’re not yelling, you’re crying.
Life is hard for everyone, and everyone must choose a weapon to fight.
Some will choose none and won’t fight, wandering in their lives like drifting boats. Some will choose coldness so nothing can hurt them. Some will choose fear so they can avoid everything. Some will choose tears and live a life of sadness and wallow in self-pity, while some will choose anger and will find reasons to be angry everywhere and all the time.
I CHOSE LOVE AND LAUGHTER. So if you’re not able to see BOTH in my comics, I agree with you you shouldn’t be reading it and thank you for unfollowing.
Tall N Curly
And here‘s a video I love, of a beautiful person who knows that : difference + humor = great match. 🙂
hi TallNCurly, I just found your blog and been having lots of fun reading it. For a woman in the professional world who chose to chop off her extremely long relaxed hair and spends half the morning fighting with her afro to get it into a semblance of order for the corporate world, i can really relate. People find it hard to understand you when you are different. They either try to make you feel there’s something wrong with you or that basically, you need deliverance. I love being different. I love dressing up in my high power corporate suit and walking out with an afro or with a twist out or with mini twists. Does it make me weird that I really dont care about some of the comments I get? Maybe. Which is why the last time someone told me he thought i had to consult someone on whether or not my hair was work appropriate i didn’t tell him he had to consult a shrink to find out if his brain was polite company appropriate and burst into laughter instead 😀 Life is too short to be so serious all the time. Jadexxx
I just found your blog!! and I love it! I’m going to share it with my daughter, who is 12 y.o. and bi-racial. She is BEAUTIFUL, but there is always that jerk kid who says something stupid. e.c. “your hair looks like poodle hair”, your mom has straight hair, are you adopted?” She has gone through stages of being very accepting of her natural hair and other times, when she REALLY wants me to straighten it.
I think that your website is full of positiveness and humor! Thank you for sharing your experiences, it means a lot to me and I’m sure it will benefit my daughter.
Tall N Curly says
Thank you so much for your message Teresa! 🙂
If your daughter already goes through phases where she loves her hair, she’s already in the right direction, I didn’t go there until I was 23 😉
I really hope she finds a little inspiration here, please let me know what she thought 🙂 (unless she hates it… then… just… don’t. ;))) )
Lidy Fa says
Big Respect !! I totally agree with you ! Omg I’m going to send you a pretty good story 😀 , maybe you can put it in a comic 😉
How can I send you my true story?
x Peace & Curls x Don’t change a thing !!
Thank you ! 🙂 And you can’t send me your story through
my contact page ! 😉
Hi again Lidy ! 🙂 Thank you !
You can send it as a comment either here if you’re a curly : https://tallncurly.com/2014/01/20/curly-kinky-hair-business-tell-me-one-of-your-stories/
or here if you’re a tallie https://tallncurly.com/2014/01/19/a-tall-girls-life-tell-me-one-of-your-stories/
Autumn Dá says
Thank you for this post and the A Tall Girl’s Life series. I completely understand where you were going with your School Gossip comic. Bullying is bullying and even though I was going through the transition in high school, it still hurt to be called a “transvestite”. Words that are meant to hurt, hurt of course!
Truly enjoy your blog! You’re so talented, thank you for sharing your life experiences and ours in such a creative way. Laughter is the best medicine! I’m a ‘tall’ & curly girl and can relate to just about each post 🙂 & that feels good to know I’m not alone. *confession* I use the term ‘tall’ loosely – I’m only 5’8″ but I tend to be the tallest amongst my friends/coworkers. In their minds I’m supermodel tall ;)~
Hey there, I just wanted to let you know that I’m of those persons hidden behind my computer and I’m short and straight haired and still love your blog 🙂 Also, I found this post on another blog I follow and I thought you might like it 😉
As cool as it is of you that you chose to explain yourself, I hope you know that you didnt need to. You have this public forum and I’m certain you know that you’re not always going to make everyone happy. But I also do think that some folks like the woman who took offense to your blog chooses to wake up every day looking to be offended. I feel bad for the miserable people of the world.
Hey Buffie 🙂
Thank you 🙂 I’ll copy/paste my answer to someone who told me pretty much the same thing on FB 😉
I agree 100% ! And I certainly don’t plan on answering each and every comment that annoys me don’t worry.
It’s not the first one I get and won’t be the last, but I don’t know… that one REALLY pissed me off, and although running a blog is something I do on the internet, I’m still dealing with real people here and above all : I AM real So it’s no different than in real life. When something pisses me off in real life, I just can’t keep it to myself, I’d rather let it out otherwise the tiny ugly seed will grow into some alienesque monster plant with teeth.
I think I wrote this more for myself than anything else, and I actually felt better afterwards so I guess I did the right thing – for me 😉
Girl, I love your blog. People who are perceived as “different” need to know that they are not alone. That is what you are doing. And it makes a HUGE difference to know that there is humor in the ridiculous things that people say to those who are “different”. We may not laugh at it immediately, but we need to know that there are other people out there who understand what we are going through. For goodness sakes, please don’t change a thing!
Thank you !! 🙂 <3
I loved this post, honestly what I need, I need to learn to stop letting people get to me with sneaky comments.