Something has to be broken first in order to rebuild it more solidly
Seems obvious enough, doesn’t it?
Well, not always. At least it wasn’t for me.
All my life, I tried to shield myself from harm as much as possible. As some of you know, I was a victim of severe bullying at school (much MUCH worse than in the Bored Panda video) from the age of 5 until I was 17. Moreover, things didn’t get better after that, but for other reasons that you will discover in the different episodes of this series.
I had already suffered so much in the past, and my traumas were still so vivid, that I thought I would not survive another wave, another tsunami.
That’s why I spent a great deal of my life doing everything I could to avoid it.
I tried not to go anywhere without my life ring, and the rest of the time I tried to protect myself with bubble wrap and traps.
The problem with bubble wrap is that there’s always a moron who comes and get overexcited popping your bubbles one by one, so you always have to start over, and you end up spending most of your time wrapping yourself in bubble wrap instead of taking the risk of actually living, that is, with all the blows and bruises it entails.
What was my life ring? My boyfriend.
( to be continued)
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I was severely bullied from 6th grade to 10th grade, so much so TV at I skipped half of my 9th grade and 10th grade years. I always think I would have done better being homeschooled. I was really smart and loved to learn but I was not put in the best public schools.
I can’t tell you how incredible it’s been to have someone out there writing about being tall, curly and, of course, bullied the way that you have. 100% to everything in this post, except the boyfriend life raft. All of my early serious relationships were deeply toxic I think precisely because I was trying to use them to protect me from everything that had happened in my childhood/teenage years. I was lucky, in a sense, to have had those relationship experiences early enough that it forced me to learn to do without it. It was only once I could float on my own that I found a life partner with whom I could build something healthy. But it was definitely a long and hard path that still requires ongoing to work (and a good therapist). So stay strong through the ups and downs. Looking forward to reading about your journey and know that there’s a bunch of us out here reading in love and solidarity.
huumm ready to see what you learned on the journey
Thanks for sharing all that you do. It is greatly appreciated. I too have kept myself in Bubble wrap. I have tried stepping out a few times and usually get hurt. But lately I have a much thinner layer and I am out her surviving and making it.
I think you have to protect yourself to some degree, but you have to learn how to depend on yourself more an not outside of yourself so much. That is what is working for me, not trying to say that for anyone else…lol!
Keep pushing forward! Love your art!
My friend used to say that I was living in a bubble. So cautious, so afraid to be in the present or look to the future because of my past. I have definitely been avoiding hurts & pain..shielding myself not in a bubble but by BUBBLE WRAP!! Im 6’2 & 5 years into my natural transition…so I guess you could say Im tall n curly too! Your art work and the way you write definitely hits home. Thank you so much for sharing ❤!